(I couldn't find any kind of SD card when the random urge to use the DSLR overcame me for the first time in years? so this is my attempt to be artistic.)
I am to all intents and purposes a junior in college, supposed to be going into my junior year anyways, this fall. But due to many things, mainly financial reasons, I will be staying home instead and working. When a major plan change comes up, I generally just have a "what must be done, must be done" attitude, and most of the time I don't worry about it. what is, is. This is God's plan and so everything will be okay in the end as long as I follow Him.
But, it is not always okay. I have, I have had. wretched moments when I feel pangs of loneliness like I've never felt before in my life. College life has become part of me, part of who I am, and I've made it so dear to me. Oh, the summer's all fine and dandy, to be among all those off on their own separate paths for the break. But when August ends, school begins, and everyone. all my friends, my boyfriend, the life I've been apart of, will go on... without me. Blessings on the dear ones who exclaim "I'll never forget you!" & "We'll miss you so much!" & "it won't be the same without you!". Blessings, those are sweet words. But sweet words will not, cannot change the reality that I will be living my own little life all alone, while friends will go on with their lives where I have no part.
It hurts. But I'm not here to drag you into my own self-pity.
Because, today I felt all this. it hurt. But it didn't hurt for long. You see, in my lonely spells, I have prayed to God, as being all I have. My one stay. My one presence to get me through. And I know He has the strength to do so. But, I inevitably viewed the situation thus:
My original plan was to go back to college this Fall, this is obviously the better and nicest plan. But, God's plan being for me to stay home, I will resign myself to this lesser thing. This more painful and harder and (frankly) worse plan.
Today suddenly God threw a light athwart the vision of my heart as I prayed (metaphorically speaking of course) and I realized with tears of joy that God's plan isn't only the right one... It is the best one! God becoming my only best friend isn't me settling for less. It's me being blessed with more! God's plan isn't only better in the long run... it's better right now! Being alone and having God to rely on is heaps better than a million friends by my side when God distant!
I'm glad that I'm not going back to school this Fall! This is God's plan, and I embrace it! Joyfully realizing that His strength is what I want more than any of the other things I try to take strength or joy from... Like my dear college routines and friends and mountainous skies.
"If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence:shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous:nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed."
Hebrews 12:7-13
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