Focus.

"Focus."

The chilly evening air bit at our fingers as we walked, for sake of escape from the world for a moment, for sake of conversation that seemed always to put it all in perspective. My brother pulled out the book that had become to mean so much to him and passionately explained his favourite chapter. "If there is one word that has changed my whole life, Renae. It's the word focus. It was Hudson Taylor's spiritual secret, and it is mine now."

He told me how Hudson Taylor used to strive so hard to do all he could for Christ, to accomplish all he could, to be all he could. But always seemed to fall short. Until he realized it wasn't for him to accomplish, it was for him to let go and allow God to accomplish. It wasn't for Him to focus on what He could do for Christ, it was for him to focus on what Christ had done for him. To rest in Christ and let Him be all. 
"And that is where the difference is made. What are you looking at? What are you allowing to preoccupy your mind? When life gets hard, really really hard, I just remember this simple word; focus. I focus on Christ and who He is and what He has done. And it makes all the difference."

I knew the words were true, I marvelled at the wisdom, I read the chapter. But just hearing something true means nothing until that truth by circumstances wrought becomes a vital part of your heart. Life had not yet brought me to a place where such head knowledge needed to be translated into heart knowledge.

-------------------

The words spill from my lips in dull tones as I walk the noisy warehouse floor from one pallet of boxes to the next.

"Please God! Anything else. Can't I work somewhere else? Can't I just be somewhere else? Couldn't you give me something new, something different?" Discontent, dissatisfied, my whole being thrills with hatred for my circumstances. This I tell God for the millionth time, as I rebelliously ignore the fact that I know this is where He wants me. Perhaps that's why I hadn't prayed for a couple days, because I knew prayer meant surrender. And I did not want to surrender to this.

It just seemed so wrong somehow, so confusing. Why would God ask me to be here? Why would God put those I love through pain? Why doesn't God just hear our prayers and make everything okay? Why do we even pray if God only answers some prayers? The Bible is so full of promises of peace and help and blessing from God... and yet, life is so hard and unpleasant. It just doesn't make sense.

Until finally God brought me humbly to my knees and in broken surrender He taught my heart a lesson my brain already knew. God does promise peace, help, and blessing. And these are not empty promises either! Nor are they meaningless words written on the pages of my Bible for the sake of something nice to read. These are promises with real, living, active manifestation in my daily life!

But here's the problem; I was searching in the wrong place!

"Focus."
My eyes were on my job. My eyes were on my location. My eyes were on my emotions. My eyes were on me. In these places, where I was focusing... I sought for a reason to continue, contentment to stay, joy to be. But found none, because DUH.

These vital precious treasures exist in one place, and one place only; Christ. My God. My King. My Lord. My Father.
I wasn't even sending a fleeting glance His way, let alone adjusting my whole focus hence!
Oh what a fool I am! God is for me everything I need. The toils and cares of my daily circumstances can but take their toll on my body, while my spirit soars free from such things as long as my spirit is in Christ. He carries me, He strengthens me, He give me joy, He gives me peace, He gives me reason, He is my life. But only when I focus on Him can He be that for me.

"Focus."

It all comes back, that conversation vanished with the golden California sunset.
"When life gets hard, really really hard, I just remember this simple word; focus."
My heart bounds as the words flood my heart with a meaning a hunderered-fold deeper and greater and better than I ever found before. Yes, life still does not satisfy, circumstances are still bad. But that doesn't matter anymore. Because God gives us the freedom to not be under the circumstances of our life. God gives us the freedom to continue through the pain, to not quit, and to be fully satisfied, content, joyful, and strong as He floods our hearts with His spirit and feeds our minds with His word and fills our mouths with His praises.