Those Dark Moods.

I have this mood. This horrible, depressed, dark mood that comes over me when I dwell too deeply upon one tiny aspect of my life and let it colour everything in shades of awfulness because “my life isn’t perfect”.

And yet. I walked outside and they were standing around on the porch, heads up, mouths open, catching snowflakes on their tongues. And the snow was the glistening magical kind that comes down in big flakes and plans to stay a while. My eyes took it in, and in the worst mood ever, I could still appreciate how beautiful it was. I can do that you know? No matter how terrible I feel, something in me observes “Oh, by the way, the world is kind of a wonderful place.” without that observation affecting my mood one ounce. As if I begrudged the world it’s beauty or something like that.

I tip toe in and out of this mood. with spirits being lifted here and there by some happy thing, and feigning the excuse of exhaustion to one and all (a very plausible excuse with how much I’ve been working this week) and let myself stew as I wait for that something that will get me out of depression. I know something will. I probably just need to sit in a room of silence and solitude for a bit and the poison will fade.

And it does. I’m actually the happiest person on earth right now! You see, the fickleness is so truly my personality, and reluctantly as I let it be! I’m listening to the happy voices and they’re making me smile!

Earlier this week… Or in fact. Before this week I hadn’t been working. And it hadn’t really bothered me, except, I knew I needed to work.. Kind of . and earn a little money. I prayed I would be able to work a little before I left, I hoped I would.
Then they did call me and I started working, and then all of the sudden I was sighing and complaining all. the. time. about the fact that I had to work! What kind of a fool am I?
I finally realized how messed up this must seem to God. I ask Him to let me work a little… And He graciously allows me to… and then I turn right around and talk about how much I dislike it! Messed up human beings of which I am the messed-upedest!
Anyways, now I am grateful as I ought to have been all along! Work is good! God is good! I am happy about the fact that I am working!

No more complaining.

Right?
Right.